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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : November 2005 : A Moral Quandry...How unconditional is my friendship? Someone has to care....

A Moral Quandry...How unconditional is my friendship? Someone has to care....

I realized to today that I am not as unconditional in my friendship as I strive to be.

I have been writing inmates since 1995 with the goals of trying to inspire change and success into their lives. I do this by keeping my letters at a deeply personal nature and slowly learn of their past and help them to see how their demise in many cases began as a child. Most of the female inmates I write are drug abusers and almost all of those have been sexually molested as a child by someone they trusted. I offer solutions, I offer a friend that wants nothing in return.

Writing inmates is not something I encourage everyone to do. One must be careful of the scans and cons that are used to get money. People that are desperate often become a "mail trick" to one of the savvy prisoners that is actually writing people as a business. One woman in Texas bragged that she was taking in 2000.00 a month from her work. Forget the hearts that were being crushed in the process, as she bluntly stated, "If I don't take their money someone else will." Unfortunately she is right.

When selecting a new person to write, if possible the first thing I do is check their backgrounds. A lot of states have online information about those incarcerated. And anyone can email a state where there is not that access to obtain certain pieces of information, such as sentence length, and what they were committed for. I do this for a couple of reasons. I do not wish to waste my time and energy on someone who has been going in and out of prison. I would rather get someone who is there for the first time. But more than that, I do not write people that rape women, or children, or those that abuse animals. These are things and issues that affect me deeply, and I could not in all fairness be unbiased.

I do write a couple of murderers. But I limit those to people that are not charged with first degree or capital murder. Usually they are women who instead of escaping a terrible relationship with a man, have ended up killing him when the anger and rage reached a point where they felt that their life was about to end.

I tell people that I write that nothing that they have done in their past matters to me. And it doesn't. All I demand is respect and honesty. I have heard some horrible things, and honestly none of them ever made me want to quit writing someone. So in time people tend to open up with me, I have always been the big brother type.

I have written over 200 letters, and began a pen pal relationship with, as of today 52 people.

So that is a little background..

The reason I am writing this is number 53 wrote back for the first time today.

I chose to write her because of the wording in her profile. There are numerous sites on the internet that have men and women listed that are looking for mail.

The sections that particularly interested me were:

"I am seeking very intelligent individuals to correspond with and hopefully establish a strong relationship that will be fulfilling and exciting. I am a Libra and am sensitive, artistic, and am fond of beauty. I like poetry, nature, and art. I am serious about finding that certain someone that can take my mind out of the dark and dreary depths of this cold place. ….."

"I have two years to find that "someone" to show me my life is worth living. Thank you and God bless."

The opening showed that she has a creative nature. I find those people to be thinkers and usually pliable. Then at the end of her profile was the comment about someone showing her that her life is worth living.. That immediately sparked my compassion. This 26 year old definitely had to see that she has to look within to find that worth. Anytime one looks to someone else for reason or definition, pain is always just a bit down the road..

I sent the original letter to her on October 13. Usually I get a response within 10 days if someone was interested. By the end of October I had written someone else since I thought there was no interest.

Today when I returned from the doctors, I was surprised to see a letter there from her. What she ended the letter with causes me so much distress.. And the quandy..

It was apparent in the letter that this is a very very angry person. Her excuse for taking so long to write was that she was in solitary for fighting. And in doing so she lost any chance of an early out. She was eligible to get 20% of her time as good time, but instead now has to serve the full 32 months. It was also very obvious that she was depressed. But that is not unusual with those I write.

She is currently convicted of receiving stolen property. The sentence was a bit harsh but explainable as this is her second conviction. Already she worries about number three with California's three strike rule.

The amount of anger set me back a bit. It just oozes from the letter. I have the ability to relate.. I was that angry at the same time in my life. I have just not run into someone who's anger is so intense, in a female form.

She likes making up anagrams for words.. HATE she explained meant Having Anger Towards Everyone.. She says "Cool, huh I created the hate one." There are a few more but I will not print those here as they contain language that some might find offensive.

I can only imagine how much pain she has endured to be that angry and bitter.

She ended the letter with a PS. "To see what I am into on the streets visit these sites." I did not need to visit them. I was disgusted the minute I read the titles.. I will not print the site names.. The are racist hate groups. White power type of garbage. I abhor the crap that they exude…

So back to me.. I immediately said to myself, No way am I writing this lady.. Then the little voice inside of me reminded me that I did this to try and make a difference in peoples lives. Hr crimes were not hate crimes. It was as far as I knew only her philosophy, but I am willing to bet a dollar to a doughnut that the other person in the fight was not a white protestant.

Still I am torn. I would normally not give this type of person the time of day on the street. I appreciate their rights to their beliefs.. But do not hear the words they speak.

I sat for over an hour on the patio mulling over whether or not I was truly being unconditionally in my friendships if I chose to not write her. I am not in anyway afraid that her ideology might get to me. I am just so negatively impacted by what those type of people passionately believe in. Sadly I wonder how our young people have gotten so messed up over the ages. Or were there this many all the time, and the communication modalities of today just do a better job of reporting them.

In the end I have decided that I will write. Hopefully I can keep the focus of the letters on her artistic talents and the positive that we all have within us..

With some of the people I write, I pray before writing.. "god give me the words needed to help this person." I have a feeling with this lady, I will pray with every key pressed.

And in the end I decided to write for one simple reason….

Someone has to care….

I will state in my return letter that I do not agree with her stance on things, but will never try to change her. But all the time I am hoping I can bring out a softer gentler side of her, by being that towards her..

Someone does care..