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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : November 2005 : These are the questions I ponder these days..

These are the questions I ponder these days..

Continuing Questions.

Love -

I really do believe love, is a spiritual union.

And I cannot fathom for the life of me how others view it? I mean when in love I am committed, and devout. Cheating or abuse is never something that would enter a relationship of mine. Yet it runs rampant in the lives of so many today.. I often wonder what do these people really feel? It cannot be as I do when I have that connection. Is it that I love deeper? OR do I love in a different manner? It is apparent that all people do not love the same. Is it really love without the convictions?

Any thoughts on why society's relationships fail more than half the time?

Forgiveness -

My ex GF refuses to even speak to me anymore, because of some drunken statements made. I rectified the problem. No booze.. Yet she forgives me not.

This from a woman that professed to love me in this life and the next..

There are more questions about what really went on in her mind and heart than answers. And I think it cruel that she not just tells me the flat out truth. I know she was ashamed of me.. And that hurt the most. Someone ashamed of me because of a disability I had no control over. Instead of seeing the hero so many others do in my simply walking again, she is ashamed over my walking funny. As she is over my propensity to say what I think.. Honesty is number one to me..

I hope I do not die without these answers.. They hold me back in so many ways..

But for her to converse with me I guess she has to forgive.. And I doubt that will occur, because she needs the excuse to continue on the cruelty.

Fools -

I am still deeply in love with my ex GF.. And would do anything to be in her life again. I could see the happiness in her eyes and heart when we were together. I guess some people do not want to be that happy.

As for me, moving on is not an option. My love never dies. It is forever, and it forgives and tries. I made some mistakes. But they should not be ones that cause hatred that causes this isolation.

Hippies -

And the kids of today, I always thought my generation, the hippies, would do so much better a job than my parents generation did. But the hippies of old are gone, sold out, and what they professed to believe in and were against are what they are now! Lost in the folds of material things and stature being their gods and the means of displaying that they are successful and happy. Right, they are happy!! Just a bunch of zombies doing the same routines day in and day out, broken only by interludes with other thoughtless mindless zombies.

Thank god my heart is the same now as it was then, as are my priorities and philosophies. I do bathe more often today, that is about all that changed in me.

These are the questions I ponder these days..

My ex GF would be such a wonderful help with PFD.com. I wish I had her writing skills and style. So many more could be reached with her gifts. I sometimes wonder if she does not know how wonderful she really is.. Just hiding in a group of hiders..

Oh well it is not for me to save or change her..