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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : December 2005 : Meanderings...

Meanderings...

Another night of broken restless sleep -Up and down - never really tired until it is too late to go back to bed. Then I function in a fog for the remainder of the day.

I went to Wal Mart today, my usually Friday jaunt. And as it is every week the women that park their carts in the middle of the isle and stare dumbly at the shelves of wares, were there to block my path. I stand there gazing directly at their faces with my "you are the dumbest rudest person" look until they realize that they are blocking my progress and mumble some apology as I pass them by. Men never stare vacantly at groceries.. Only at women..

As I waited for the van to come and get me and my purchases I talked to a salvation bell ringer whom has probably had his bell rung just one too many times. A man older than myself, who has obviously traveled many more gravel roads. Every few minutes he would comment on the beauty of the day not remembering we had already had that exchange. He rang and called out to all that came and went, but only I heard the remarks as the young girls passed.

I prepare to write my incarcerated pen pals.. Hoping to say something that might make a difference, to get them to accept they are not the worlds axis. One tells me she loves me, and I am sure she means it, as best she can. People love differently I have found. I wish my ex had never loved me, but had simply liked me. It would have been the same as far as sex and intimacy goes, but maybe she would be able to still be a part of my life..

Sun fell hard this evening into night.. The hawk stayed near the whole afternoon and the birds were skittish and not allowed to eat what they were used to. The hawk ate nothing tomorrow he will be hungrier.. The other birds will be hungrier.. Someone is bound to make a mistake..

And life will be changed irrevocably for the victim..