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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : December 2005 : The perfect gift

The perfect gift

My sister and I, being part of an abusive family that existed in survival mode, were never close. I have seen her twice in the last 10 years, and we are total opposites. I am the people lover, giver, and warm one. She is very quiet, and lives her life with a few friends, and without extending much to anyone or anything outside of her realm.

Each year at Christmas, it is a real chore to find something that she would like. I often feel that I am buying for a stranger and that makes it doubly hard. Added to that is the distance, so anything I get her, I must be sure that she wants it or that it is easily exchanged locally.

Of course she has the same problems with me. Added to that her S.O. sends something as well. And her gifts are always, er so to speak, different. One year she sent me the clapper.. You know, "clap clap" lights on, "clap, clap" lights off. So today when I got their package I opened it with fear as to what their ideas of what I might need this year are. Our tastes are hopelessly different.

First was the S.O.'s gift. Foot warmers.. Actually something I will use. I was surprised, although the thing is like an electric blanket for ones feet, the fabric is far from masculine. So I will not enclose a picture of my using it.!!

Then my sister had sent a copy of Mathew Scully's Dominion. A powerful thesis on what merciful (sic) man does to animals. In the name of science, and recreation, and whatever other reasons - we are brutally killing undeserving creatures of god. Animals feel. They know pain, yet it is so often ignored.. Enough on this!!! I have to stop… I could go on forever, being the animal lover I am.

The last box in the larger box was heavy. I lifted it out and opened it up. Inside Styrofoam encased whatever was inside. I slid the Styrofoam box out and opened it up, and saw something that left me totally speechless. The very last thing that I would ever think my sister would send me was in that box.

It had actually slipped my mind. In the months proceeding Christmas I dutifully searched out all the catalogs that besieged me for the perfect gift for my friends and family. Among the hundreds of catalogs I saw something I wanted for my self. A statue of an angel, kneeling her arms resting on a stone that could be a headstone. What caught my eye was that the statue could an angel grieving. Or it could be one giving a prayer of thanks. It was beautiful.

I am a collector of angels. I have prints and statues. I also have statues and prints of faeries. I believe that they are one in the same, but just from different cultures. I also believe strongly in angels among us. The stranger that appears and offers help then disappears is an example of something we have all encountered. I have deep respect and reverence for angels, human and otherwise.

But that angel, that one I would not buy for myself. It was actually an exercise in overcoming my buying everything I want. My credit cards prove that if I see something and I want it bad enough it is here! I passed it up, but kept the catalog for a month or so more. Looking at that angel at least once a day. I threw the catalog away one day after sternly admonishing myself that I had enough junk.

So when I saw that angel today, I was stunned. For a number of reasons. First of all I do not believe my sister has anyway to know that I have a thing for angels. But even if she did, how did she run across that specific one? And out of all the angels out there, what was it that made her choose that one? Remember our lives and tastes are polar opposites.

I have enjoyed my new angel all day. Then when I went to count the birds today the first bird I saw was a huge Red Tailed Hawk. Far out of camera range, but not far enough for me to not enjoy his company for the 10 minutes or so that he was high in the branches of an oak tree.

I was not really into Christmas this year, or really for many years past. But the angel was a deal breaker. Believing everything happens for a reason, I am touched, and convinced that a higher power was influencing her choices this year. It was the perfect gift.

And that angel, well she is praying that this year will be better for me. That I will finally quit loving someone who didn't deserve it in the first place. That I will achieve both of my New Years resolutions. And that finally that I may continue to grow, and be more giving of myself to those I care about.

That angel is not mourning, nor is she thanking, she is the heart that knows that regardless, there is always hope.

The perfect gift. Hope.