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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : January 2006 : Dreams

Dreams

Dreams…

I wish I understood dreams and their nature much more than I do. Most nights I remember just bits and pieces of what I dreamt. Even if I am awakened and I sit there repeating over and over what I want to remember, often it is lost by morning. There are a few dreams I will never forget, full Technicolor adventures that I was shook me so much that I awoke living the experience. Ones that are impossible to forget. Occasionally the meaning of the dream is obvious. I like being able to understand what the message was or the reason the dream was dreamt. But for the most part, they are strange conglomerations of people from different times and places in my life somehow ending up together. Someone from the 1970s who is as they were then with someone from the 1990's who may be dead. I constantly wonder why those two were brought together by my subconscious.

I hate dreams that show illness or death. Recently I had one that forecasted the death of my ex GF. I immediately emailed her and asked her to please take care of herself should she have any health issues. It was that real and that frightening to me. She is not one to take her health seriously. Maybe that is why I dreamt what I did.

When I was young I had recurring falling dreams. Always in a car, always driving across a wooden bridge, and the wood is rotten and the car falls through. They say if you dream hitting the ground you die. I don't ever remember hitting the ground so I cannot vouch for that theory.

In high school my best friend was Rich Pyecroft. I confided my wooden bridge dreams to him during one of our talks. A few weeks later he took me for a ride in the Maryland countryside near the school we attended. Rich had somehow managed to find a wooden bridge on an old dirt road. He drove his convertible Pontiac onto that bridge and stopped in the middle. I was beside myself with fear. I threatened his life, I begged, I pleaded and he sat there and laughed his fool butt off. The only reason he was not seriously beaten that day is simply the fact that he was faster than I.

I have faces in my dreams, people, that I feel close to who I feel I know that I do not recognize. Maybe they are from another lifetime. I have dreams where one real person from my life and one of these other entities are together. For some reason the theme is pretty consistent. It ends up with the entity always knowing me better than the person that I do in fact know. Not a real problem to me, but curious that it occurs so much. And some of the entities are regulars having been in dreams all through my years. This is why I wonder if they are someone from a past life.

I dream of dead people a lot. People in my life that are gone. One I have dreamt of for over 30 years now, at least twice a week. Another person from my past, but who is alive, is dreamt of nightly. I miss these people in life so I guess it is not at all weird that I miss them in my dreams. A lot of the time the dreams are of reuniting with the people either alive or dead. I also dream of animals that were a part of my life. Sometimes the dreams are about their death and my helplessness to prevent it from occurring. Usually these are of people who died violently or accidentally.

When I was younger, I never had sex dreams. I am sure I had them, but I never recalled any, nor did I ever have any telltale signs that they had occurred. I wondered if that were odd? In fact I remember wishing I could recall those and forget some of the others. Now that I am older I have a lot of sex dreams. I can tell because I am almost always in a state of arousal when I sleep. Sure wish I could remember any thing from them. I wonder if I am dreaming of someone I know or someone that is totally a product of my imagination. I wonder if it is the same person night after night?

In the past 10 years I have been recalling more of my dreams. Since my disability occurred actually. I believe it is due to the lack of everyday stressors like work, and bosses and the politics of the positions I held. The dreams are not happy dreams. In fact looking back I can never say I have had a dream that was happy. Either they are sad, or they are just strange. The few times I can remember joy in the dreams, it was short lived because I awoke to the fact that what was occurring was not in fact real.

Is there such a thing as a happy dream? If so, why have I never had one? Do you dream happy dreams? Am I more deranged than I already seem to be?