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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : February 2006 : some cruel joke...

some cruel joke...

I am in a strange place…

I have not written any of my prisoners.. And I am being just lazy about it. I guess the depression has gotten so bad that I am in hermit mode.. I do want someone to love me dearly.. I want to touch soft skin. Smell the scent of a woman as I sleep. But then again I do not want to deal with people.. ?? HUH???

Hermit mode.. I do not fit this well, but this seems to be where I am heading.. I so wish I could shake this depression.. I mean over a year of this is enough..

Love is not something that should result in this.. Gosh if I could only hate her.. Yet nightly I check to see if she has visited my one site. Then when she does, I am so elated. I then check the time spent at there. And often it is so depressing as she just flips through the pages..

I did not deserve this..

I deserve someone to love me as I would they…

I am seriously contemplating some dark things today.. I am tired of fighting life. I am tired of trying to walk, tired of trying to be as normal as I can physically. I am so very freaking tired…

I do not know what I am going to do. I just know things have to change… I have to have more in life..

I often wonder if I am dead already and this is just some cruel joke…