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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : February 2006 : Serena Part Two

Serena Part Two

"Ballantines Unit 7 - Code 10 - Dispatch cancel Highland Diverting to WK North"
"Copy Dispatch"
"Dispatch Copy"

It is so very quiet. I am confused. It is dark but I feel motion. I feel emotion. I cannot see anything but my body is bumping around.

"Ballantines Unit 7 - Dispatch another unit - Resuscitation in progress driver assisting - 1575 Lakeshore Drive" [The unit had pulled over so the Driver could assist the EMT]

I can feel hands on me. LEAVE ME ALONE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME? What is going on?

"Dispatch to 7 - SPD is near and an officer will board unit, then continue to WK North, what is your E.T.A?" [SPD=Shreveport Police Department]

"Fuck we're gonna lose this one, Dispatch Our ETA is seven minutes."

I cannot hear anything. I cannot see anything. I do not feel any pain. This is good. I am calm, I feel happy almost, peaceful.

"SPD has arrived and is on board continuing enroute , copy that dispatch" [The patrolman got in back to help with the CPR efforts and the driver resumed the drive to the hospital]

"Dispatch - Copy that, ER is ready for a DOA Arrival Team is standby at entrance
10-4 7, we are all praying, good luck"

I am standing up. Where am I? What is this place? It is dimly lit. On either side of me are doors. The floor is porous I can see it, my feet are on it, but I do not feel weight on my feet, or legs, yet I am standing on it.

Everything is green. A dark shade of green - a color I have never seen before. It is darker than clover but lighter than olive. There is no noise, no sounds. It is a very wide hallway. On either side of me are doors. The doors are spaced a few feet apart all are closed. They are wood doors with four beveled panels inset in each. The ceiling is the same material as the floor. There are no lights, but it is not dark. It is dim like when the sun is halfway below the horizon. There is no source of light. There are no lamps of bulbs. It is just lit.

What do I do? Why am I here? I do not feel afraid. I do not feel anything. The pain that has been my life for the last eight months is blessedly gone. But so is everything as far as feelings and emotions. And my mind is not working. I realize that these are not thoughts. It is the soul within me that is now the processor of what I see and hear and feel and think. Everything else is in a mode like idle. There but not doing anything. Is there anything actually to process?

I want to go to the door to my right. Turn the knob and see what is there? Am I supposed to just stand here? I try to move to the door. But my legs do not react. I try to go to the left but I cannot. I try to turn and look to see what is behind me. I cannot. There is only one way to move and that is ahead. I take one step. Am I supposed to be doing this? I stop and wait. What do I do?

Ahead the hallway seems endless. Unlike what one would think it does not narrow as you look down it. There is no end in sight just after door after door after door after door.

To my left a door begins to slowly open. I try to move towards it but I cannot. I try to step back, but I cannot. It is all the way open now and all I can see is another hallway full of doors. The same color. Lit the same level. It too seems to have no end.

Then I sense movement. I am not scared. There is no fear, no joy, no curiosity, there is nothing but calm. It is like how I feel on a starry night on the shore of the ocean as I listen to the waves quietly dying at the shore. Calm and peaceful.

Then I feel something. I feel deep sadness and joy at the same time. I see who is coming through the doorway. It is Samson. But Samson is dead. I now understand. It begins to make sense. And I am ok with this.

Samson comes over and crosses over in front of me and turns to stand at my right side. I bend to rub him behind the ears, and even though I do not feel him, I see my hand at that location moving. He leans into me. Standing there he turns his head slightly to guide my fingers to his special spot. His tail does not wag. He never was a tail wager.

Then he pulls away and walks his body length forward. If I am to reach him again I have to step forward. I step forward and reach for his head. He moves forward. I understand. If I move forward at his pace, I can keep a hand on him. I want to touch him so desperately, I have missed him so much. Samson was my first Great Dane. A beautiful brindle.

I have missed him. His life was terrible and I often felt guilt for it. Both he and Delilah were dead before they were three. They should have both had so much more. Did I do enough? [The lord was merciful and with Delilah she died in her sleep, next to me on a stormy spring night the previous April. With Samson, I had to make that dreaded decision. And it was made on more of a basis on his mental state, his hating his own quality of life. It was the hardest decision I have ever made regarding a pets life. ]

We are moving forward. I cannot tell you how far or how long we did. Nothing changes as we do. Just the same hallway extending forever. I keep my hand resting between his shoulder blades. He guides and leads me at the same time. I am comfortable, happy, calm, peaceful, wherever we are headed is ok. As long as I am with Samson, I am happy. [I am crying as I type this.. I miss him so..]

Then there is a change. As we move forward there is a thin line of light above the floor that comes into view. It is very bright. As we continue on, the line widens. How to describe this? If one were walking over a slight rise, and seeing just the very top of a house. Each step exposes more of the building as one descends. But there is no descend. It is more like a shade being slowly raised. That is it. A roll up blind slowly being lifted to expose the sun outside.

As we continue on, it is getting brighter. We walk. Soon I realize that there is no end to the hallway. It simply disappears into the light. We are nearing it now. Closer and closer I am to this beautiful warm glow. The light is brighter and warmer than the sun. It does not burn. It is welcoming. Near it I stop. Samson is just ahead of me, his nose being lost in the whiteness. He turns and looks back waiting. He wants me to take the steps along side it him into it. I am mesmerized. It is inviting me in. Something is beckoning.

"Errol… Stop… Errol wait!" I hear a voice. I turn to look but I cannot turn. I sense something or someone hurrying towards me from behind. It does not frighten me. I am confused.

"Errol, come back." Serena is next to me.

"Fight to live" she says. She is beautiful. Warm glowing surrounded by her own soft light that is a whitish blue. She has no clothes on, but appears to be covered by the light. I can see the form of her.

"Errol your life is not over". I remember looking back at Samson. He was standing there expressionlessly waiting. There was no pressure to stay with him. There was no pressure to go with Serena.

"Errol, let me lead you back."

"Sammy, Daddy Loves You." I communicated to him without talking.

He walked into the white abyss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then it was over.

I have described this as honestly as I can. I have copies of the Ballantine's transcripts and have listed the calls exactly as they occurred.

I will add that the next day after that Sunday night my roommates saw me sleeping. That was Monday. Tuesday morning they saw me sleeping, then realized that I was in the same position, with the same clothes on. They called the ambulance. About 46 hours had passed.

The ambulance was to take me to Highland Hospital my provider. But when one starts showing problems they take you to the closest emergency facility. I died for the first of three times in the ambulance. I would die two more times in the next four days in the intensive care unit.

I began to come to on the Friday after. I spent 10 more days in Intensive care with pneumonia and blood clots in my lungs. I spent a total of 40 days in the hospital. Partially for the suicide attempt, but it was discovered that my back was messed up not only in my neck, but from top to bottom. It was during that time that another surgery was performed. It too was a failure and left me in worse pain, and only able to move on a walker.

I wrote this because of a recent message I have received. Someone wanted to know if I ever had a near death experience? Asking what I believed death was like? Asking about my feelings about the Super Natural.

The rest of this is up to you and your mind to decide what if anything you might. I had this one experience. No more. It was very real to me. I remember it today exactly as I did then.

"Sammy, Daddy Loves You". These are the last words I said to him. And I say them each time I pass his grave. It is fitting that of all the dogs and people that met me it was he. For I received some signs of forgiveness in that experience. A lot of sadness and guilt over his life was relieved.

"Sammy, Daddy Loves You."

I never saw Serena again.

I will let you decipher this as you wish, my feelings and my interpretations are mine to believe. You take from this what you will and leave the rest.