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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : April 2006 : The Weather is not normal... Neither am I!

The Weather is not normal... Neither am I!

The heat is on…

Summer roared in today after toying with us. High was 92 degrees and it was miserable outside. Y'all Gotta love that Louisiana humidity… NOT. It was a day where even my sweat was sweating…

Normal people would have taken the day slow and easy. It takes a bit to get acclimated to this change.

Did I ever tell you how UNNORMAL I am..

OR am I really normal? I mean if there is no rule to measure normalcy, then are we not each normal to ourselves? So I am the most normal person I know.

Normal is a word I really detest. Normal implies that one is just like everyone else. Normal implies that one is OK. Normal means that there are no major malfunctions when compared to what society wants us to be.

I pride myself on being me. I pride myself on walking whatever path I wish, as long as I do not take anyone down it with me. I like not being like everyone else. I love to see the reactions on others faces when the unexpected occurs either from my mouth or my actions. And often the person shocked the most by my actions is me. My mind is often slower than the actions I take.

My biggest malfunction is that often things come from my mouth that are not first thought about. Years ago when I was the lead analyst for the Food Stamps System there was a nice, meek, quiet young man named Kevin that worked with me. Kevin was one of the first real geeks. He was a plaid pants, striped shirts and sneakers sorta guy. He was nice enough. A bit mousy for my tastes though. And yes he always had a pencil protector. All he lacked was the tape on his glasses.

One day I was immersed in a program's code and I heard a throat clear. I looked up to see Kevin standing there with one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. Kevin introduced her to me as his fiancé.

Then a voice said to this lady, "why don't you just get yourself a dog? You'd be much better off than marrying him."

Kevin was horrified. Kevin was embarrassed. His lady friends mouth bounced off of the floor three times before returning to the closed position.

At first I was shocked as well. I mean that was my voice that spouted those words. The voice was a few seconds in front of my mind, which thought the same, but was screaming - NO DO NOT SAY THAT..

From the next cubicle a chuckle came. It was my boss and friend Steve. He looked around and told the young lady, not to worry. It was just Errol being Errol. Seems that was something I would hear often in my life. Especially from my ex wife as she shrugged off my tomfooleries of life.

Sometimes my actions are equally too fast.

I was sitting in a bar in New Orleans in the seventies called Linda's Lounge. It was a dive. Old and as dirty as the owner, Linda. Linda had this aquarium that she just loved. She was always talking up the fish in it. One day she was telling someone about a new red tailed shark or some type of shark that she had just gotten. She was so proud of the new fish.

I silently looked over at it. The aquarium was immediately behind me and easily within reach. The new tenant floated serenely on top of the water in a plastic bag, allowing the water temperatures to equalize prior to being released.

It was Friday. I remember that. All the good Catholics ate fish on Fridays back then. So I did too. I reached in, grabbed the bag, opened it and swallowed the fish whole. Linda was in shock as all the other patrons roared with laughter.

I was banned for a week from the bar. The reason - for impersonating a catholic. And I did replace Linda's fish.

I did not think about the act. I was just tired of hearing about the damned fish tank as was everyone else. It was one of those things that just happened without fore thought or preparation. I can tell you though that a life fish will bounce around in your stomach for a second or two.

And I can tell you that people began to come to Linda's Lounge to see me eat live fish. Hell, Linda made out like a bandit. She began to stock cheap guppies for me to eat, and every time I ate one I got a drink on the person requesting the deed. (I will not tell you what I graduated to after the fish. But I moved on in my eating strange things career. )

This weekend it is supposed to cool off to normal. Thank god the weather changes and can regain normalcy.

If one is waiting for me to become normal, or my season to change, you might just have a long wait. Normal just does not suit me. I can never be that predictable.

Oh and - never talk about your fish when I am next to an aquarium.