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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : April 2006 : Holly…

Holly…

Gosh I so remember Holly…

Holly was a dancer on Bourbon Street. She was eighteen but looked all of eleven. She had beautiful blonde hair and big huge blue eyes that always looked like a child's when they are caught in wonderment.

And because she looked so very young, she made so much money it was not funny. Every man that had a young girl fetish wanted her. Those that did not, wanted to father her. Everyone wanted to sleep with her.

Holly is one of the few people that really ever got over on me. By that I mean embarrassed me in a big way in front of a large group of people. She put me in a position that no matter what I said, I was wrong. She was cunning and sly and she was a great practical joker. I played many on her, but it took her only that one to put me in my place.

Holly was a run away, and when she got of age became what many young attractive women do that come to New Orleans. And like most, after awhile she had a new mate; drugs. I never recall her ever having a boyfriend. The times she was lonely she would sleep with someone but love or affection or closeness was never a part of what she offered or wanted. A body next to her seemed to quell the silent pain within.

Being a bouncer I was protective over all of the girls. Some were ones that always bred trouble. Others never caused a stir. Holly was one of the latter. And I always tried, even in those days of my own self destructive tendencies to be more to her than just another face. She would visit me in my day job away from the street. We would meet up in clubs after hours. Many are the nights I made sure she got in a cab and made it home safely.

I wonder what has happened to her. What has happened to all those souls that I once knew? When I left that life I had to exorcise myself from it - All at once and cold turkey - a true withdrawal. An ex street person like myself will tell you that you can leave the street, but it never leaves you. And I have all of my life felt a draw back to that life style. When I am dissatisfied with how my world is even now, I think of getting a cheap room in a seedy area of New Orleans and living my life in a bottle. I mean who would care? Who would miss me?

Anyway, Holly is someone that was a part of who I was all those years. There are so many more, I remember a few names, but many many faces. I remember the times reality interrupted that world removing someone from it and life. I remember thinking that I would die on that street. That world was and is a big part of who I am inside.

I wish it were easier to find someone like Holly. I remember teasing her about being from a corn producing state. Iowa, or Indiana perhaps? But remember little else except her eyes and smile.

One thing I have squandered in my life, and my biggest regret is the friendships that I have lost along the way. Sure some people change, some drift off, but years ago, I answered any call of the soul, and the results were good friends were lost in the process.

I started years ago looking for people from my past. I have been successful in only four cases. Women are harder to find than men because of maiden names, marriages and divorces. With Holly I do not know if I ever knew her last name.

Maybe there should be a site of Ex Strippers where one can list someone they are looking for. But if there were, I would hope she would never be on it, never be looking back to that world. That would mean her life is full, happy, and one without a need to revisit that world. What more could I wish for for her or anyone?

I know many of those women, that drugs took them into other things when they began to age, and looks changed. Many died at the hands of the drugs they learned to love.

I just hope more for my friend Holly.

As we do for all our friends.

Holly, I know you will never read this. But I hope your heart is warmed at this instant. For someone far away in distance and in time is celebrating you.

Thank you for being a part of my life.