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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : July 2006 : Desolate Desperation

Desolate Desperation

When I get up and do something my every move is watched.

If I am not near, I am looked for.

If I am sitting, I am touched in some way shape or form.

I see it in a child's eye. And I see it in Bentley's. The destruction caused by not ever having felt like they belonged. It has lived in my heart forever - Insecurity due to abandonment.

I hug…

I reassure as best I can knowing what they know that it can all change in an instant.

Words are hollow to Blane. He has heard so many empty words in his short life. So he touches. And he hopes to feel a touch back, a squeeze, and not a tensing up.

The three of us have much in common.

I am as scared as they are. It is the responsibility that scares me, the chance I might say a wrong thing, give a wrong signal - hurt and confuse them more than they already are.

Blane and Bentley have so much in common. When they are both here and together, it is like watching twin souls, twin hearts, both feeling the same things and fearing the same fears.

Blane goes back though to a place that is not a home. And Bentley stays wondering if this place will be his home and not just another stop along the way.

I learn from them.

I wonder how I can get more people to give up a few more hours of their lives to help. Not just donate more, or pray more, or write more, but get out there and do it.

Befriend someone who desperately needs a friend. Help a life by giving one small gift - Your time. That translates to hope for someone who may have none at all.

There are too many people in this world that feel that they have no one at all that cares that they are even alive.

Sometimes I am frustrated with how little people actually do those individuals that need it the most. When you do for a stranger - it is done with no expectations of return, but a reward greater than any other often is received.