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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : September 2006 : The Night Of The Living Dead

The Night Of The Living Dead

Love

It is my belief that this is why we are here.. To try and find the perfect union - to grow spiritually and emotionally because of that persons merging into our lives. What other purpose could there be? Just to procreate? We could have been starfish and done that by severing a limb.

But not only love of a mate, but love of people, of life, of nature, of ourselves, of simply being.

Love

It is something intangible.. but something that we believe exists. We feel it, we see it in others. We have faith in it. What if one loses faith in love? What if they become unlovable? They say there is someone out there for everyone, but what if your someone is a goat herder on Mount Kilimanjaro? When will that acquaintance be made?

I have been mulling this over a lot today.. Partially because of an email that a friend sent and partially because I have felt the scorn and dismissal of having the label disabled again. I am on disability, but there is little that I cannot do with prior planning and pacing. But I might as well be telling people I am a leper, or a child killer. I get the same reaction. Well maybe worse than a leper.. For with a leper the suffering is obvious and the wounds apparent, my disease is invisible. Maybe if I could bleed at will from my eyes?

Where are the people that love with their hearts? Why have I and all of my peers become so unlovable? Worst is those who lose their mates after succumbing to this merciless illness. It happens so much that it is not even a surprise any more.

Think about it. You are in love, you have a great mate, family, job and then one day something happens that leaves you suffering pain continuously. You struggle to be who you were. You struggle And then your mate, leaves you. Because you are suffering or perhaps because you are now not the person they want to grow old with. How does that make you feel on top of what you have already suffered? I mean hell you ruined their dreams of what life would be like.

What about commitment to marriage and to each other? How can someone's suffering offer an excuse that love is no longer there? The heart is the same.. But the body is not..

We have become a shallow society. So grounded in what we each want materially and visually. We choose to not use the greatest gift we have - our brain. When was the last time you sat an hour with no television, external distractions and thought? About you, your life, your impact on other, your impact on the world? What have you given back lately? Are you of value to this world or just sucking air and going through the motions?

And along with the thought most have lost the passion. Where are all the hippies that were going to do such wonderful things in the name of love? Most are driving beamers, living beyond their means, and the epitome of what they swore they never would be. I never sold out. My heart and direction is today as it was then.

Passion is having something or things in your life that you look forward to every day, think about a lot, and would never give up. I am lucky I have a few.

Why bother living if you cannot get excited about the simplest of things? I try to learn or experience something new every day. And in my isolated state, I have never run out of things to be excited about. Today my very first avocado seed sprouted! I have tried for years - something so minor. But something new and joyful..

How have you been feeling lately? Are you feeling at all? Or has the rut of your life swallowed that up as well? Buttoned in by your own fear, too afraid to try something new, or help a stranger in need, living numbly from day to day..

With so much lost from so many.. With no thought or feeling in so many of our lives is it no wonder that our marriages are in shambles, our lives unhappy, our children emotionally abandoned, while we all chase something to keep us busy and distracted from thinking and feeling.

The greatest pleasure of life is the smile that we give someone reason to have. The greatest gift - love with no expectations of anything in return. Unfortunately too many keep score of the things done in friendship.. That is not what friendship is.

Without passion and thought and feeling.. Without the time to explore who we are and who the people are in our lives, their needs and wants and dreams, what is the purpose?

People were worried about Orwells 1984 becoming reality. I feel more like I am in The Night Of The Living Dead.

So yes I am disabled. I am no longer physically perfect. But I never really was.. But my mind and heart and compassion and passion, thrives..

What is your disability? Are your dreams more of a cute whole bodied person in a million dollar house, or a love that is strong and tender and committed to the unions success? Do you dream of expensive cars or of peace of mind? Can you be happy with what you have? Or is there always more to be obtained?

I guess if one is a zombie they are content