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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : September 2006 : I Feel Like Giving Up....On People....

I Feel Like Giving Up....On People....

I wonder if this is how a parent feels when they find out their child is in custody. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? I feel hurt. I feel angry. I feel robbed and somewhat used.

Possession of Cocaine
Possession of Drug Paraphernalia
Public Intoxication

The star fell from the sky tonight. The one that was doing it and succeeding putting a life of crap behind her, is now back in jail. Of all the inmates I have written, of those that I still know about, there is but one left that is still striving to live a normal life as society sees it.

She was a star at AA. She liked leading. She craved attention. She craved love. The problem is that she is too smart for her own good. Or she is not as smart as she thinks she is. Julie always had all the answers and if you confronted her, well she would get angry. She always knew what was best. Well I guess she is where it is best for her to be then. She had so many chances. She surely will spend a lot of time in jail this time. Maybe finally she will learn humility.

I had been emailing her. Leaving her messages. No reply. I figured something was up. But not what I found out. I figured simply she had hooked up with another biker. Well she probably got with another man, that was no good for her. And he swayed her. All because she wanted to be loved. And really has no idea how to quell the loneliness within her. She has never known love - Just an addiction to another person. And when you choose to hang with dirt you get dirty.

The phone rang and I saw it was from Val Praiso, In. where she is. I picked it up and the recording began. "You have a collect call from an inmate at the county Jail" along with the options to accept, reject, block, etc.

I sat there stunned and hurt. She gave up on herself. Did she ever really believe she could do this..

I feel sick to my stomach.. What a waste of a life. What a waste…