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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : October 2006 : Dawn...

Dawn...

Another quiet night comes to an end.. I have always loved the night. Unfortunately daytime chores and activities are backing up. Some days are more like normal for my sleep patterns, then some I find myself unable to sleep in the dark. I have decided to not fight it for now, and let be… be. When the leaves are deep enough I will spend the day raking. When the weather is cooler I will spend the days working the flower beds and new vegetable garden. Until then I will sleep when my eyes close without regard to time or day.

I am tired of feeling guilty for not adhering to what schedule society thinks I should be sleeping on. And no one has said anything directly to me, it is just that little voice within me that wants me to play more along societies life's rules.

When I do sleep half the time I awaken and know not if it is morning or night, or even the day. Then I realize how lucky that I am that I really do not need to worry about those things. The only schedule I adhere to are Drs appointments and the rest of my life is up to me.

I know I have said this before, but these are my last dogs. No more. Maybe a cat, but something that requires less care if I want to go away for a weekend. I love my dogs, but in my condition I cannot handle the transportation of them from here to a vets and that is somewhat unfair to the dog. And as I have said before I do not want to die in Shreveport.

And I do believe it is Guam where I will end up. The fantasy of a Hemingway like existence on Key West has always been in my mind. But Hemingway had as many or more darker sides than I, and I would hate for his spirit to bring mine to new/lower heights. So to not tempt fate, he will have his island to haunt. And Guam has far less tourists! PS - Hemingway could also do one thing I cannot… Write..

So that is the mindset today, almost at sunup. But then again all is subject to blame, this blog maybe simply having been a dream or a diversionary trip from sleepiness.