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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : October 2006 : When is it murder? When is it mercy?

When is it murder? When is it mercy?

Lord knows that I have often mentioned the plight of being the owner of an animal, and how when age or illness affects them, how do we know when it is the right time to put them to sleep. I am sure that those that love pets, who have been through this know the feeling, and the turmoil within.

Of course when the pet has no quality of life left, it is time. And often it is not time for us, we are not ready to lose their companionship and love. But we make the decision in the best interest of this beast that has loved us unconditionally.

I spend a lot of time on Chronic Pain Forums and Spinal Injury forums. People that have been on for years just disappear. Then we get the notice. They ended their own suffering. It happens way to often.

And I lost another friend yesterday. He had been writing me off line for quite awhile now and we had grown close. He was a smart man, with a family, and who at one time had the world at his feet. His kids are grown. And his wife has stood by him since the automobile accident changed his life. For someone who suffers from Chronic Pain he had a lot going for him. A lot more than most have, including myself.

Recently we had been debating when is the right time? Yes - when is the right time to end a human life. What defines quality of life? When is it too poor to continue? What about the repercussions of those that we love and love us?

Is it selfish to just want the pain to stop after years and years of it? Is it selfish to want someone to continue fighting when the medications do not help anymore? We get increases as needed. But there is a cap and his cap was reached a year ago.

He and I believe the same. When life is not worth living anymore, why do it? We were not discussing something that might be better tomorrow, or might pass in time. We were talking about something that occurs now and forever long as we breathe.

He felt it was his time. He first mentioned it a couple of weeks ago. I hoped it would pass. Sometimes unwelcome visitors come in the form of additional pain that can last for an hour or last for days, but then relents, and like a demon who laughs and mocks us vanishes as quickly as it came. It is called break through pain. But this time the visitor moved in.

I have trouble when a woman cries in my presence. I have more trouble when it is a man about my age. Words don't come and I hate the feeling of helplessness both for them and myself. He spent a lot of crying recently. My soul still aches and I still hear his pleas.
It was as if he wanted me to confirm that his time was now. And I would not and could not do that. All I could do for the most part is sit silently and listen.

Last night when he called it was different. When he called I could sense a calm in his voice. Desperation was gone. Agony was gone. I know the feeling well. It is a peace I felt in April of 1998. Once the decision is made, there is a real sense of calm, peace, acceptance - or is it resignation? So I knew before hand. I knew when I hung up the phone last night it would be the last time I would hear from him, at least in this life time.

I don't know his wife or family. Never have had the opportunity to talk to them or meet them. He told me his wife knew and was in accord with his wishes. His kids were spared any foreknowledge.

There is nothing heroic about someone quitting. I will probably do it one day as well as the thousands who will this year.

If there is a hero in this it would have to be his wife. She put him first. His wishes, his fight with pain, his fight with himself, she always put him first. That is what love is all about..

I have been pondering whether to post this or not.. It is a hot topic. Suicide is horrible. But humane euthanasia was not available to him. He died at his time. On his terms. I think that is all one could ever wish for regarding death.

Was he wrong? Was I? When does human quality of life matter? Why can a vet do to an animal we love, what a doctor cannot?

When is it murder? When is it mercy?