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DaRk AnGel : Why Home : November 2006 : Giving Back and Gaining....

Giving Back and Gaining....

I have always tried to give back to this world. It is my way of thanking it for allowing me to appreciate the complexity and beauty of it all.

At one time I was heavily involved in Great Dane rescue. I picked up Danes from pounds that were at the point of euthanizing them. I have a large lot and I subdivided the back into three separate areas. The largest was reserved for my dogs and the others for my orphans. If they got along next to each other I merged them in with my pack.

Pounds in Texas, Louisiana and Arkansas called me. Usually they waved the fee for me which was nice considering each dog cost me at least two hundred dollars out of pocket. Some went as high as a thousand dollars. I would bring them to my vet and have him run blood work and vaccinate each dog. Some had ear infections, others flea infestations, and others had heartworms. To add to the cost I gave with each dog a six month supply of heartworm and flea and tick prevention medicines.

I was glad to do it. And I was thankful at the time that I had the means to do so. Those days I played the lottery and felt that if I ever hit it big I would invest the money and use the interest to fund a permanent Dane rescue center and provide hospice services for all animals. Well that obviously never happened.

The sad fact is that almost every one of these dogs was given up because they were too large! That says a lot for their owners. They did neither the research needed or had the commitment required to care for these dogs. Imagine dying because your family thought you were too big!

I am remiss in the fact that I did not take photos of every one of these dogs. I guess I felt that it would never come to an end. That I would be rescuing dogs until I died. It bothers me that I remember so few of them now. I am sure that they had great lives with the people they finally ended up with. I was very picky and made people come here to spend time with my pack of 5 and then the adoptee dogs as well. I watched for signs of fear from either side and really looked for the union of hearts between animal and man. Many I refused to turn the dogs over to and to each I explained why.

One of the dogs that I remember clearly hurts me every time I think of him. A beautiful huge fawn male. I do not recall his name but I do recall the dog, the whole trip and the feelings I had afterwards. I was called Friday while I was at work. I checked with my wife to see what her list for me to do had on it and then decided that I could make it the next morning. The real issue was time since I had to have the dog back here before noon to see my vet. The drive was a little over an hour each way.

This was not the first trip to Texarkana to get a Dane. The last one, Sinbad, was adopted, against my advice, by the elderly couple next door to me. I was worried about their fragility. Sinbad was such a great dog, and he never ever even leant against them. He could sense that they were too weak to do so. On the other hand whenever I approached him, he charged and lunged wanting nothing more than to play and wrestle. So I went over often and gave him the human chew bone he deserved. We did have a lot of fun together. All the while my dogs would run up and down the fence line barking as if to let Sinbad know I was not his to keep.

The dog at the pound was aggressive. He immediately bared his teeth at me and his body tensed. I knew at once there was little chance I could do anything with him. I had two dogs with major health problems at the time and knew that they could never protect themselves from him if he attacked. So coming to live with me was not an option. Because of his behavior I could not ever be responsible for passing this dog onto someone. If I had only won the lottery I would have had a place for him.

His story was one of isolation. He had lived his whole life with a retired lady, his vet was a lady and he just had no contact with anyone else, and especially anyone male. The final straw for him was when the ladies daughter, husband and grandchild came to visit her. The three females were out in the yard with the dog, and when the ladies son in law came into the yard, and went to pick up the baby the dog attacked. The baby was uninjured, but the mans arm required stitches and some cosmetic surgery.

After hearing this I felt beaten. There was nothing I could do. The drive home was miserable and my wife knew that that day was one I would spend doing things outside while I worked through the anger of being so helpless.

Today when I was outside I recounted and tried to remember more of the dogs. I realized then how much stronger my memories of failure are then the ones of success. The smiling faces of people picking up a new dog.. I wish I had retained all of those as well.

Why is it that we can remember the failures in our life so clearly?

Because some of us tend to use the negative to continue on with our self esteem issues.

I am grateful that I did become how I am now. I realized the negativity that ran my life and my feelings about myself. I let the father that told me I was worthless and ruined his life continue impacting mine. My actions helped prove his accusations.

Although I can no longer save Great Danes, I have found I can still contribute. In smaller ways like web sites that I hope cause people to feel and think and re-evaluate. That I hope somehow reach those that feel worthless and uncared about to take command of their existence.

I can still use my mind and heart to give back. It is up to me to keep the negative things in perspective. I am sure that when my judgment day comes, it will be the positive things that I contributed that are added up. These little acts will be the legacy of my life. God knows we are not perfect. If we have learned from our mistakes and tried, those will not be included. We are expected to make mistakes.

The greatest feeling in the world is when you give freely and unconditionally of yourself. The gratitude in a face or a smile or a tear or even a wet sloppy kiss from the mouth of a dog, is a thanks that is defining of character.

How is your legacy coming? Do you give back every day? Do you command your raft or just be a passenger?

I do want to mention a group that does wonderful work.. They are a no kill sanctuary of humongous proportions. Please take a moment to visit Best Friends and investigate their site. One of my goals is to be a volunteer petter there for a week. Make sure you see the numbers of animals that they have as well as the time it takes to feed just the dogs!